I love the month of May. It could be because it’s the month that I became a mother (Chloe’s birthday – she turned 4!!), or because Mothers Day is in there or perhaps because it’s also my birthday month. It might have a little to do with the warm spring air or opening my windows and smelling cut grass. It’s cold for sooooo long where I live that I heartily embrace the renewal of spring.

I’ve been busy cleaning, airing out, line-drying, planting, swing-pushing and grilling … and I have been loving it. I know my posting has been pretty sporadic – but I’m guessing you don’t mind a little less clutter in your reader or your inbox. My life tends to move with ebbs and flows and I try my best to just go with it (which takes some serious effort for this structured girl). I was out of town a LOT this month and it felt a little better to chat with family in my pj’s than to open my laptop and work on my blog. I have great readers. I know many of you are nodding your heads in agreement.

This blog is (mostly) about living frugally, but don’t you find that a frugal life – is also a simple life? I don’t mean simple as in “plain” or “ordinary.” I mean simple like – uncluttered, un-rushed, slower, less chaotic, more creative, etc. As I’ve become more and more comfortable with a “less is more” lifestyle I’ve started thinking – this is nice, this is really nice.

As a family, we’re learning to find happiness, joy, fun and contentment in simple things. This blog is about things I do well, but also about things I’m learning. One of those things is that so many, many things aren’t important to me. If I think about the things that bring fulfillment and add positively to my life, they are mainly people, relationships, quality time together, eating good food, enjoying the outdoors and trying to master some domestic skills.

I’ve learned that I get a lot of fulfillment out of making or creating things myself rather than purchasing them – and I like that. I have somehow come to love walking outside far more than through a mall. I seriously have no idea when that happened but I’m glad it did. I’ve learned that the reason I like going on a date with David is because I like being with him – and the amount of money we spend on that date affects the time very little.

Because we’re disciplined and starting to be smart with our money while we’re relatively young, I know that one day I won’t have to be frugal and I won’t have to make as many sacrifices – but I hope I don’t forget or lose sight of the things that have changed me and made me into the girl that I am now. I hope that even when I don’t have to, I’ll still hold onto the value of less in my life.

Why I do what I do ~ Do you remember the bunny I sewed for Chloe for Easter? Well, we celebrated Easter away from home and I forgot to bring it with us so I gave it to her when we got home and told her it was an “I love you” present from me to her. That was over a month ago. Even now, she takes that bunny with her many of the places that we go and sleeps with it at night. People usually ask about it (because it’s weird-looking I think) and she very proudly tells them it’s her “I love you bunny.” Every. single. time. I choke up. My daughter understands love so much more than I do sometimes.

photo credit: garryknight

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2. Easter, In Perspective
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Why I do what I  do ~

Because she calls me “Mama”
and she still squeezes me tight
Because she always wants a cuddle
after turning out the lights

Because she’s so creative
and more artistic than I’ll ever be
Because when she’s scared or tired
she always calls for me

Because her eyes are brown and green
they are the same as mine
And every time she smiles
her eyes get bright and shine

Because she loves to brush my hair
while she is story-telling
Because she makes me crack a smile
when I want to be yelling

Because she loves dinosaurs
and princesses the same
Because she loves the color red
and loves to spell her name

Because I wasn’t sure I’d have her
the girl I hold so dear
When I became a Mama
I had many happy tears

Because she could talk an hour
and never take a breath
She’s just like her Mama
my Chloe Alizabeth.

This Mothers Day, I want to celebrate my family. My heart is full of love for the husband that made me a mother and for the daughter I am so blessed to have.

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My kitchen is small – very small. It’s like a hallway with counter tops and cupboards along the sides. The counter space left from what the microwave, stand mixer and dish drainer occupy is just enough to roll out bread dough and set the rising bowl behind me.

If my husband comes in to talk to me while I’m cooking or cleaning in there he’s constantly in my way. The whole time we’re talking I’m pushing him to the side, moving him forward and we’re crashing into each other. When the kids are in the kitchen while I’m cooking I say they are “right under my feet” – and they are.

The springs in the dishwasher door are broken and I have to lock it to keep it closed. My oven is at least 20 years old and the clock and cook timers are broken.

Even though I may occasionally complain about those things, none of it really matters very much.

My kitchen is perfect.

I’ve done a lot of growing up in my kitchen. I remember reading the box carefully to see exactly how to make Hamburger Helper 7 years ago – afraid I’d screw it up. Now the thought of it makes me want to gag. I remember the first time I opened the box of brand new silverware – afraid to ding it up, never imagining we’d need more silverware than a service of 8. We have 12 now and I sometimes run out during the day.

These days, I scrub knee-high food smudges off the wall in the kitchen and find little plastic dinosaurs hiding in my casserole dishes – I’m in Heaven. I’ve spent hours talking to my husband in my kitchenand feel like I am learning to be a wife there. I’ve had some great parenting moments in the kitchen with my preschooler sitting on the counter and I hope to have more one day with my teenage daughter sitting there.

Some days, my legs ache from standing in my kitchen for so long. Sitting down for a moment, I realize how much of my day I spend there and I’m grateful. Growing in my kitchen has been the most wonderful thing. I’ve grown from a wife, a mom and a girl who knew almost nothing – into a person who knows a little more than I did then, is a little braver than I was then and loves even more than I did then. I feel like my kitchen is the heart of my home and I love the people I care for there.

My life is small and simple, like my kitchen. My family is close to me there. In my kitchen, I tie my apron and create things that make my husband remember why he loves me. Like my life, not everything in my kitchen works exactly like it’s supposed to, but it’s where I am and I love it.

Why I do what I do ~ The other day, my older niece had a particularly bad morning. She had been in a terrible mood. She’s 4-1/2. After her nap I asked her how she was feeling. She said, “Good. I don’t have a issue anymore.”

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My life is …

Steady.
Constant.
A little at a time.
Sensible (somewhat).
Consciencious.
Planned (somewhat).
Conservative.
Modest.

We’ve chosen this lifestyle and I can tell you – it is not glamourous. We weigh our decisions and plan most purchases. We don’t go to many exciting places and I have not personally stepped foot on an airplane in 10 years. Sometimes, I get frustrated or feel like I’m missing something. I see other people going places and doing things and wearing things I know are way outside of my lifestyle. I stomp my foot and say, “I must need that!” Thankfully, when I start to feel that way, I begin to remember:

My life is …

Full.
Content.
Joyful.
Happy.
Love-filled.
Secure.
Blessed.
Warm.
Peaceful.

And then I think – I can’t imagine a life that doesn’t include snuggling, pizza, movies at home, family meal times, and fingerprints all over everything that’s knee-high. Whatever it is that I’m missing out on can’t possibly compare to what I have right here, right now, in this quiet house of sleeping children. I live frugally because I want THIS. I do what I do so I can be HERE, at home.

I’m sure those other things are nice. I’m sure it feels great to have the perfect shoes for every outfit and to fly your family to cool places and have exciting vacations. If my life was different I’m sure I’d do those things too. But for now, we’ll stick with day trips and camping. I’ll wear my comfiest shoes and put my hair in a ponytail. My life is not at all glamourous, that’s for sure but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Why I do what I do ~ Tonight I played Candy Land with my daughter … and 2 dinosaurs.

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I drink coffee every morning. To that coffee I add a liberal but not overwhelming amount of cream and 2 sugars. It is decadent and I love it. I have at least 2 mugs of it every day. However, I have become more and more aware that my body would be happier if I wasn’t ADDING 4 teaspoons of sugar to my morning routine every day.

So one morning last week, on a whim, I decided I was going to use just a little less. I noticed the difference in taste but I was still plenty happy with my coffee. It isn’t a big deal or a drastic change but it’s a step in the right direction. I’ve kept it up all week. Good for my grocery budget. Good for my health. It got me thinking – cutting back just a little bit seems to be a theme for me.

I mentioned recently that I had done Weight Watchers in the past (the online version). I did it three years ago to drop my 20+ pounds of “I just had a baby” weight. I lost it in three months and have never gained it back. The big secret? Just a little less. A little less butter, a little less peanut butter, a little less dessert … little changes that made a big difference. I didn’t do anything huge or begin eating anything bizarre. I just stopped gorging on all the food I love practiced a little restraint. I’ve kept up with most of those good habits and it has paid off.

Let’s relate this to living frugally now. Washing a shower curtain liner doesn’t seem like any big deal, or putting less sugar in my coffee, or trying to use fewer sandwich bags – but it IS a big deal. The combined effort of just a little less many times over makes a BIG difference. I’ve only done a few drastic changes to cut the out-go of our money. Most of the money that has been freed up has come from a little bit here and there. By doing a little bit I’ve been able to trim EVERY area of our budget that has wiggle room (no matter how many cookies I bake them, the bank will not lower my car payment). We spend less on utilities, less on food, less on entertainment and eating out, less on clothing, less on waste … because I cut a little bit, a little at a time, until one day I looked back and said WOW.

Whether you’re trying to lose weight, eat healthier, be greener, spend less, save more – whatever your goal, if you commit to being consistent with the little changes you’ll be able to achieve it. There’s momentum to be gained by slow and steady progress that can’t be beat.

Why I do what I do ~ Funny, out of the blue comment from Chloe today – “Mom, did you know that dogs sniff before they go pee?”

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So I had a post written that was supposed to appear today. I was having sort of a crummy day when I wrote it and it had that tone to it. Ya know – a sort of negative tone. I sat down to make some final edits to it and decided – I don’t want to be that person. The first post was titled “Perfectly Frugal.” It was about the unrealistic expectations I place on myself to be perfect and how it leaves me stressed. It was true. That’s not all that’s true though …

I’ve been thinking lately about my thinking. In Proverbs in the Bible it says, “as a man thinks, so is he.” With that in mind, I’ve been making an effort to refocus some of my thought patterns. What do my thoughts do on their own? Obsess over things that aren’t important. I get worried I’m not doing enough. I get frustrated when I don’t get things right or they don’t turn out the way I’d planned. If those are my thoughts, then what does that make me? What I want to be is an encouragement to people, not a downer. I want my life to reflect the gratitude in my heart and the fulfillment that comes from people and life and God.

What if, instead of agonizing over what I’ve yet to accomplish, I stop and soak in all I’ve done. I would feel encouraged, uplifted and spurred on. I wouldn’t feel that I’ve failed but rather that I’ve grown – and I have. When I set my mind on the goodness, the accomplishments and the gushing blessings in my life it makes me want to collapse with gratitude and kick myself right in the nose for stressing over sandwich bags. Silly girl – the reason I’m using fewer sandwich bags is for my family – NOT FOR THE BAGS! <– sorry, I know I don’t shout very often, you’ll forgive me right?

I’ve been on this frugal journey for a few years now and blogging about it for over a year. I’ve tried things and loved them; things like making bread, homemade laundry soap, cloth napkins, line drying clothes, sewing, and cooking lots and lots from scratch. Other things have just not stuck – I’m really working on the knitting but I am getting it SLOWLY. Still trying to cook more with beans – I just don’t love them – please don’t hate me. The point here is that I’m choosing to let it go. Some things are for me and some things aren’t. Some things are for you and some aren’t (here’s a shout out to all my non-sewing readers!).

I will always do my best to be honest and give you a truthful glimpse into my life. I don’t fake anything you read here and it’s all from my own trial and error (which I’m pretty sure is obvious). Some things stick, some don’t. I’d love to share one more thing that has stuck – blogging about it. I really, really love blogging about all this stuff. I’m excited to see where we’ll go this year. And while I won’t be perfectly frugal, I will do my best to be perfectly me. Thanks for reading!

Why I do what I do ~ During bath time last night Chloe said, “Mama, I’m going to tell you a story. Once upon a time someone got water in their little girl’s face, and it was you Mom.” As I stifled erupting laughter, I told her I’d be a little more careful rinsing the shampoo out of her hair.

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2. Frugal Thinking
3. Frugal-Minded Holidays

This post was first published on December 8, 2008. It has a good message though and I thought it could use repeating. ~Nicki

photo credit: djfoobarmatt

Some of you may not know that my dad is a minister. He pastors the church I attend so I am exposed to some high quality preaching (I love you dad!). Today he preached a sermon on Peace. He said that world-wide, December is the most stressful month of the year. Isn’t that sad? It’s exactly the opposite of what I’m trying to achieve. That really got me thinking. It’s no huge shock with tragic stories like the Walmart employee that was trampled to death by eager shoppers and the two men that shot each other in Toys R Us.

These are terribly sad stories, ones I wouldn’t usually emphasize, except to ask what has your stressful December gained you? Is your December stressful because you want to make your family happy? Is it because you can’t afford what you believe your children want? Are you stressed because you just don’t have the time for everything you want to do? I urge you, I beg of you, take a step back. If you find that your chest is tightened with anxiety and you just can’t get your thoughts in order I ask you to abandon the chaos and try out a peaceful December. Here are some thoughts to consider:

What have you chosen to invest in this holiday season? If your chosen investments are gifts and activities, then by all means, continue running around. But if you’ve chosen to invest in things that are lasting like family traditions, togetherness and a simpler, more meaningful holiday, you’ll begin accomplishing all of it by slowing down and creating a peaceful home.

What have you chosen to emphasize this holiday season? What are you going to make a big deal out of? Is it the number of gifts under the tree or the number of ways you can help others? Is it building up expectations so high that you can’t possibly meet them or teaching the value of giving? What are you modeling this season? Frenzied perfection or peaceful contentment?

Do you find each year you’ve so rushed through the holiday season that it’s almost like you missed it? Having a peaceful attitude and creating a peaceful home helps you think clearer and spend your time and energy on the things that are really important to you. If your December schedule is so full that you don’t have even a moment of down-time you’ll miss out on the spontaneity of the season, like building a snowman and drinking hot chocolate or driving around looking at Christmas lights, or going Christmas caroling, watching your kids catch snowflakes on their tongues or make their first snow angel, how about a family snowball fight? These are the things you’ll remember, but they don’t fit very well into a stressful December schedule.

My dad made a good point this morning. The presence of peace is not from the lackof unfortunate circumstances. Peace comes from within and has nothing to do with the events in your life. My peace comes from the Lord. I feel it’s my responsibility as the wife/mom/lady-extraordinaire to create a peaceful environment in my home, and if I don’t have ahold of that peace myself it’s tough to conjur up. Right now, I’m drinking a mug of white peach tea, my cat is sleeping on my lap and my daughter is taking a nap. My house is so quiet that the ticking clock in the kitchen and my tapping keyboard are the lone duet. I just glanced out the window to see a light snow dancing its way around outside where it never seems to land. It feels so nice  to be still, to be quiet. I’m going to use the second half of my daughter’s naptime to pick up the house, but I’ll feel so much better doing it after taking a few peaceful minutes for myself.

What have you done to have a more peaceful December?

Why I do what I do ~ a few nights ago while my hubby and I were sitting at the table, my daughter walked up to David, and looking at his feet, said “hmmm …” while tapping her chin. We thought it was cute and she walked away. In a couple minutes she came back to the table with his slippers and said, “here’ya go daddy,” while she slipped them on his feet. David is nervous you’ll all think we’ve also taught her to retrieve the paper. I assure you she fetches slippers out of love and of her own free will.

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At the end of this week I’m headed to a Women’s Retreat where I’m going to be teaching a workshop about family frugality. I’ve spent quite a bit of time preparing and determining what information should fill my 75-minute time slot – which of course, has led to a lot of reflection.

I put together a lengthy list of tips and ideas to help families spend less money. To be honest, the list is a little overwhelming. At first, I felt a little hypocritical suggesting ideas that I don’t personally use and giving people tips in areas where I find myself slacking. I felt – unqualified. I got to thinking about what I write about on my blog and tried to narrow in on what my point is. My tag line sums up the focus of my blog – “Using Domestic Arts To Live A Simple, Frugal Life.” But it’s the reason I write it that I needed to come back to – it’s because I’m learning to live a simple, frugal life.

Being a frugal blogger, it’s easy to feel unqualified or less-than when I read all the cool ideas other people have implemented. I think – why can’t I do that? Sometimes I try something and it just sticks – it works for us. Other times – not so much. But here’s what I have to remember – THAT’S OK! It’s really foolish how we label ourselves sometimes. It’s actually very crippling. My point is not to be as frugal as possible at all costs. That’s not it at all. My point is to do the best I can with what I have in a way that works for my family. That’s what I’m going to teach at my workshop.

I have readers from all walks of life, all different ages, from all over the world (how lucky am I!!). The families that are affected by what I write here vary greatly. I don’t expect every person that reads my posts to try every single thing I mention. Why should I expect that of myself? What I attempt to do is give hope that life can be full and wonderful and content when you don’t have much and to toss a few ideas out there of some things I’ve found helpful. If you’ve been helped or touched by even one of them then I am grateful and consider my efforts 100% worth it. I want to pour something good and positive into your life. All of that is why I do what I do here. I hope that’s what you take from this blog – what you can use. I hope that’s what they’ll take from my workshop – a few ideas to help their families.

Frugality is not a contest – it’s a tool. It’s a tool that helps me be a stay-at-home mom and a tool to help us get out of debt. I’ve learned a lot about this tool and its wide array of functions and capabilities but I’ve also learned that I’m not required to use all of them, only the ones I need. You don’t win a prize if you do more ‘frugal’ things than all your friends and there isn’t a plaque for the wall if you use the most coupons. I can tell you what there IS though – contentment when you find that balance. When you find things that work for your family and help you accomplish goals that are important to you – that’s where the prize is.

Why I do what I do – We had a family day on Saturday. David, Chloe and I just spent the entire day together. We ran errands and went to a bunch of different places – all the while we let Chloe use our camera. David and I laughed and laughed later on when we downloaded the pictures. Her perspective is so interesting that we think we’ll give her the camera more often. To illustrate, see the picture below. It’s a picture she captured of me in Walmart. Go ahead, laugh. It’s ok

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When you’re a kid you learn to despise, cringe and dread even hearing the word ‘discipline.’ Hearing a parent utter the word meant something bad was about to happen. I was always grounded from something. Now I know that my parents were pretty much right on with the consequences they chose for my inappropriate or dangerous behavior but it still doesn’t make me like the idea. Now that I’m a parent I feel an equal dread for it. I do not want to discipline my daughter. I beg her not to make me follow through with my threatened consequences. Contrary to what the little girls probably think – I do NOT like time out.

With all of these negative feelings toward discipline in the back of my mind it’s difficult to entertain the notion that there is another kind of discipline which I should be seeking out rather than avoiding. Dictionary.com calls it an “activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training.“

Nearly everything in our lives characterized as beneficial is also difficult. Most great things don’t come easily. That’s where self-discipline comes in. You choose to do something annoying, difficult, painful or unwanted because your resolve to accomplish something great is stronger. Many things fall into this category: quit smoking/drinking, losing weight, exercising, eating healthy, waking up early, and you know I’m going to add – living frugal.

For the sake of the topics covered here I’ll focus on the frugal aspect but my personal reflection on this topic is much more broad. As I’ve reflected on the ‘tools’ that help me to live a frugal life I always come back to discipline. There isn’t any single thing I do that is insurmountable or extraordinary – but what makes all the difference is that I’m committed to it. I am disciplined with my meal planning. I am disciplined with conservation and avoiding waste. I am disciplined with my time – allowing me to accomplish many more things than I could otherwise. I’m no superwoman and I have plenty of bad days just like anyone else but the undeniable difference between my life before (the in-debt, wasteful, can’t-get-anything-done life) and my life now is self-discipline.

Sounds awful doesn’t it? You’re probably thinking I’m a severe and boring person who doesn’t have any fun. I like to think that’s not the case. I’m actually much happier and more fulfilled with my life right now. The great part is that I find self-discipline to be freeing. I feel an enormous sense of accomplishment and my life feels good when I put my laziness aside and do the things that need to be done. And that great feeling? It motivates me to keep going.

Several years ago I was stuck in a rut – a lazy rut. It was frustrating and I was constantly disappointed in myself. I think it’s because I was putting myself first, before the betterment of our family and I was neglecting things that should have been priorities. In the same manner that self-discipline is freeing, laziness is trapping. The longer you’re stuck – the more stuck you feel. I am so thankful I chose to turn things around. It’s been a slow process – full of discipline – but it has been SO good and so worth it.

I’m being pretty open here with all of my thousands hundreds of readers but I’m ok with that because I want you to know that I’m real and normal and I’m learning things too. In no way do I intend to reflect that I have everything together but rather that by chance and by blessing I occasionally stumble over something great.

~Thanks for being part of my written reflections, my thoughts spilling on the page and my self-revelation. You are some very cool people

Why I do what I do ~ My daughter is SUCH a chatterbox. She gets talking so fast that she can’t even keep up with herself. Too bad if you have something to say because you’ll have a difficult time interjecting. I have trouble not recalling my grade school report cards (you know, back when teachers wrote personal comments on them). They always said something like this: Nicki is a joy to have in class but talks too much. Nicki is doing well but consistently chats with other students. Nicki excels but talks too much during class. Hmmmm … I’ll have a tough time coming down on her for that one.

photo credit: englishsnow

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Giving is a funny thing. Giving from your heart is like sharing a part of yourself with someone. Maybe you gave a hug or an encouragement. Maybe you forgave a debt. You might have given advice or comfort or love. Whatever you gave, long after you’ve forgotten that moment, chances are good that the receiver still thinks about it and smiles.

Receiving is a funny thing too. Receiving a gift on your birthday or Christmas isn’t too difficult – you’re expecting something. Your excitement may vary but you generally have an idea that something is coming. Have you received a gift from someone out of the blue, seemingly for no reason, other than to say thanks or to show you that they care? That is something else entirely. Receiving something unprompted and unexpected is both humbling and thrilling.

I found myself in that very spot last week. After posting that I was participating in the 10-Day Give hosted at ChristianPF I received an email from someone that I know through blogging and the internet but I’ve never actually met. She told me she liked the idea of the 10-Day Give and that she wanted to participate … by giving ME something. What I went on to read brought tears to my eyes and touched me in a way that she could never have expected. She assured me she wanted absolutely nothing in return and only wanted to give me a gift – no strings attached. She told me she wanted to buy the Thesis theme for me.

I should insert a little background here. I’ve had Domestic Cents for almost a year now and have so badly wanted and too often mentioned that I would love the Thesis theme. I’ve entered contests and had dreams of making enough money from blogging to buy it (I’ve only made enough money to sign up for another year of hosting ). The cost for the Thesis theme? $87.

Friends, she could have sent me a $15 necklace (or less) and made that her “give” but she didn’t. She chose something that was personal and meaningful, something that she knew I wanted but couldn’t get for myself. I’m sure she’s blushing as she’s reading this, wishing I didn’t go on and on about it. Earlier I said that receiving is a funny thing too. Well, it is. I’m having the worst time saying a “Thanks” that really expresses the depth of my gratitude. A gift given privately and with no prompting is a sign of such good character that I must tell you all you’d be missing out if you don’t take the time to get to know Beth from Smart Family Tips. Beth, my most sincere gratitude for believing in me and what I’m writing about here.

Why I do what I do ~ A glimpse into the frequent randomness of my day: 7:00 a.m. I’m in the kitchen and Chloe’s yells in to me, “Mom, do we have any marshmallows?” Puzzled, because I almost never buy them, I answer, “No.” She replies, “Maybe we should buy some.”

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