Every now and then I have a defining moment of perspective. The light bulb of common sense, reality and truth suddenly illuminates and brings a stark clarity to the foggy craziness of my life. These moments don’t come often and they depart as quickly as they arrive. I do my best to hold on to them to soak in some meaning and ground my wayward thought pattern.
You see, I have a creative mind and a soaring imagination. Most of the time I enjoy being creative; dreaming up new ideas. It’s why I write. I need an outlet. Sometimes, however, it takes me in another direction. I take a possibility or a situation in my life and craft it into something enormous in the cavern of my mind. I run with it in every direction. I generally aim for the worst possible outcome and see where that takes me. I allow it to grow into something ridiculous and morbid before I realize how soaring high my imagination has taken me. I need to be grounded. I need to be brought back down to reality.
It’s usually my husband that reigns me in. He recognizes that I’ve spun wildly out of control and contorted something small into a tragic mass that will surely take over our life. Other times God sees fit to show me differently – with a defining moment of perspective.
I was in the car by myself a few days ago (a very rare occurrence) allowing my imagination to take off in the manner I described above when something very clear popped into my mind, “What exactly is wrong with your life right now?” I was startled at the thought, and seeing how I was alone I felt compelled to answer the question aloud. I stated one obvious thing and then I was stunned. I couldn’t think of anything else. It’s not to say that everything is exactly how I want it to be, but as far as things that are wrong??? I could only think of one. I had grown it in my mind to be something massive and cancerous, taking over my life, when in fact, it is only one thing, completely independent of everything else in my life.
I sat down to write this, not knowing exactly what my point was or where I was headed with it, but wanting to make sure I remembered. So often I perceive things completely apart from what they actually are. I’m grateful for these moments that bring me back and warm me with the realization that it is I alone that have been carried away by the illusions I’ve created and there is a wonderful reality waiting for me right here on the ground.
Why I do what I do ~ Chloe has learned the word “imaginary.” There’s a song about imaginary friends and she likes to sing it, only she says iNaginary. It’s SO cute to hear.
photo credit: Phantom_snapper)
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I have a tendency to do this, too. Most of the time, after a bit of wallowing, I decide to get up and try to tackle the problem head on. Usually then I realize that it wasn’t nearly as awful as I thought. When I’m unable to deal with a problem head on, it wakes me up to the fact that it is something completely out of my control. When that’s the case, I know there’s nothing to be done but worry or let it go. Letting it go feels much better.
Although I know these things, it usually takes me a while to remember them when my mind is running wild.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s something I think many of us deal with with, but no one really talks about very much.
Um…were you eavesdropping on my counseling session last weekend?
My counselor calls it “Catastrophizing.” It is an irrational thought a lot of us have in believing that something is far worse than it actually is. (http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/what-is-catastrophizing/) And a lot of us (ahem…me) take it to the extreme. For example: the smoke detector in #3’s room had a battery that was dead. I had this fear (real deep down shaky fear) that a spark could come out from her outlet where her lamp was plugged in, catch on her solid wood crib or bedding, and her whole room would go up in flames and she would die. Of course (and thankfully) my husband brought me down to reality.
My counselor (who is a Christian counselor) told me to keep a journal. I’m now at a point where I can recognize when Satan is toying with my mind. I literally imagine myself taking the thought and throwing far far far away…it’s helped and I agree with Beth – “letting go feels much better.”
Hmm…perhaps I should just schedule a session with you sometime?? ;P
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@Britt – Thanks so much for sharing that. “Catastrophizing” is the perfect word. My blog is free (in comparison to your counselor) however I offer no guarantees whatsoever – read at your own risk!!